Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Boobs are out for the taking
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
