So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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