I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
