I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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