Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
