I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
