Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize