they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize