you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
