That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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