He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
