I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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