Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
