T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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