he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
