you would pick up someone in the library
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
