he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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