For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
