her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dear god my vagina.
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