I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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