i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize