the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
