It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
