All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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