Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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