Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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