Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
