I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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