I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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