Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
