Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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