Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
