I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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