her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize