the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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