no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
