So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
