dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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