If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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