I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
