I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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