Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
