We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
