Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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