Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
birth control should be required to get into college
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't deserve a penis
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
