You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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