wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
