I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
