obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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