There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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