Your mouth is God's brothel.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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