Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
