I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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