The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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