hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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