Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
