I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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