so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
