His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
