You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
