hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
