i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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