ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
