If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
