Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
