I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize